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January is the first month of the year and for a lot of people a depressing one, long and cold.

Still it’s a moment of life we can probably do something with.

For a lot of people, Sundays is a day they don’t like. After all it’s only 14% of the week that they don’t like. There are 86% to enjoy which is not so bad.

Most of us are working 5 days a week, leaving another 14% to enjoy out of work.

But, Sunday is generally a day we don’t work. Does it mean that most of us prefer to be at work?

Concerning January, it’s only 8% of the year that you perhaps don’t like.

It’s much better except if you combine January and Sundays, and this means that you want to zap 22% of your life. On an average life time of 78 years, it’s only 17 years wasted.

Perhaps there are moments in the day that you don’t like either and that we could remove as well if you don’t like it.

But let’s stop here. After all, we’re nearly in February.

Enjoy the reading and the end of January.

Denis

Feed back or fight back?

You probably noticed, that communication is a challenge and that the more feelings are involved, the more there are risks of confrontation.

Each experience you live is tainted with colour, depending on the way that you have been living it: it’s a good or a bad experience. So many times in a day, something is happening and you will feel it in a very unique and personal way. It will depend first on whom you are, what has been your life, what happened to you just before and your mood at this precise moment.

In other words, you can never predict exactly the way someone will react to your statement or attitude. In the same way, you may react very badly to something that would have been insignificant the day before.

The most delicate situations are with people really close to you, where there are strong emotional implications.

Most of the time, we don’t share our feelings with others. Especially when something happens and it hurts: it can be a statement, a comment, a joke, or a criticism…

We will very often react to hide the real result and the pain that has been caused. Socially, we react as if we can’t show true feelings. We’re supposed to be strong and insensitive.

At work, it’s very obvious. A comment from your boss can be absolutely devastating for you, but you will not show anything. Instead, you’ll react as if nothing happened.

Your relation to your boss is your relation to authority, which is very close to your relation to your parents as a kid.

Unconsciously, for a lot of people, there is a neurotic relationship with the boss.

There are unconscious expectations toward the boss to be the one telling you how good you are.

If he’s making a comment on the quality of your work, you’ll take it very easily at the wrong level.

Instead of taking it as a comment, it will be taken personally, at a personal level.

Everything that happens to you, day after day, is generating emotions and feelings.

If you don’t clean it up, in a way or another, you keep emotional rubbish, exactly as you could do in your kitchen.

Imagine keeping your rubbish in your kitchen for weeks and weeks…

There’s different ways to clean up. It can be just to think about it and let it go, to go to the gym regularly or any other personal way.

The other option is to express your feeling to the person concerned if possible immediately after the event.

When you choose to express yourself, you usually tell the person how bad he has been with you, you judge, you accuse and the person in front of you will feel attacked immediately.

You share in fact the result of your initial feeling instead of sharing what really happened for you and the way you have been feeling.

Did you notice how many people are aggressive driving their car?

They’re expressing the results of what hasn’t been expressed to the boss, to the partner, or who ever else: it’s the expression of emotional rubbish none recycled.

We usually express the result of bad emotions rather than the original emotion.

We get back everything but what we really need. If I’m grumpy and aggressive, people in front of me will rarely be kind to me, even if behind the grumpiness I’m sad and need a big hug: we call that parasites emotion. Expressing an emotion instead of another

is generally a very good way to feel worse.

Express your feeling without expecting anything back. Give choice to the person, and allow him/her to listen instead of defending him/herself.

On the top of this, the quickest you express yourself, the less frustration you carry.

Most of the time, it’s our ego that stops us from acting healthily, expressing our feelings.

“What would he think if I admit that I was hurt?”

“I will appear as a weak person”

So, the only way is to accept our feelings and not to carry rubbish for the wrong reasons.

In a relationship, a good way to move on is to talk, to put things on the table, when it is not yet old enough to smell like rubbish.

It’s the degradation of feelings, after turning it over and over again in your head or stomach that make it smell bad, that makes you overreact or punish on an unfair way.

If you can change the way you’re dealing with feelings, when you’re hurt, you can change very quickly the cause-effects in your relationship and avoid a lot of conflicts.

Express your emotions and not the result of your emotions.

Dear All,
This month, there are a few changes: first the name of the Newsletter. In fact it is not a news letter but a thoughts letter or simply a letter.
Instead of my face, I asked a friend to use one of his great paintings for my letter and he kindly accepted.
After A wonderful September, I thought that it was probably time to speak about October.
I’m kidding. We have better to do than talking about weather…

Enjoy your reading.
All the very best.

Denis

TAKE YOUR TIME!

Life is short, so short.
Getting older, it seams that time accelerates more and more every year. In a way, it’s good to celebrate my birthday so often, but still…
I guess that it happens because we loose track of time, lost in our day to day life, just a day after another.

As a Therapist, I’m accustomed to tell my clients, especially to end a session in hypnosis:
“During the next 2 minutes, you can take all the time of the world”.
It just gives a feeling of long comfortable time in a 2 minutes frame. The best is that it’s working.
Just try that at least twice a day during work hours.
Give yourself a 2 minutes break during your day at work. Just take all the time of the world: do nothing, close your eyes and just listen, feel and take your time: you are alive!
I believe that it is more our perception of time than time itself that maters. You know how certain moments seam to last for ever when others are escaping like send in your hands.

We can keep going, acting as if we’re eternal, running every day as if it will last for ever, or remembering that our days are counted, we can think seriously about our life.
The fantasy of the eternal young time is so powerful today that it is an amazing market to make money on fears, hopes and believes.
What have we done to our old wise characters? Where are Yoda, Merlin, Christmas Father and all the others?
Now it seams more fashionable to have Kate Moss, Jude Law and even virtual characters like Lara Croft as models.
Can we become wise in the body of a young person, or in an old body looking young?
I have no answers, and I am just asking questions on subjects that are essential to me.

Aging every day a little bit more, everything is pushing us to find ways to stay fit, look younger and be healthy.
The pressure is very high and it is a very efficient brain wash from society.
Because this journey is very short, can we reasonably waste so much time on a day to day base.
I have the feeling that this pressure, race against time, is a good way to keep us busy, docile, good tax payers.
If we’re starting questioning, the system could be in great danger. It’s better to keep us in the dark, in front of TV.
Time is precious because limited.
How long would be the right life?
How many years do we need?
How ever long it is, will it be enough when it will be time to go?
Is it a question of time or just to put away the inevitable issue?

It is potentially my last day on earth. I have no idea of the moment when all of this will end.
If I don’t take my time now, tomorrow will perhaps be too late.
If I keep running, I’ll be running faster and faster, trying to catch the moment that I missed because I was running after it.

Slow down and enjoy!
Did you ever think about the words “to take time”?
What does it mean? Isn’t it strange?
You can take your time as you can take a train or a break or a lesson or what ever you can hold.

Take your time, grab it, and embrace it.
If you don’t, nobody will and it will be lost for ever.

Enjoy your life, TAKE YOUR TIME!

DEAR THOMAS

Thomas has been made Saint a long time ago and all what we know about him is: “I believe in what I see”.
What a tuff start, isn’t it?
And still there’s so many people going to psychics for predictions, including presidents…
Following Thomas idea is probably the best way to escape the disappointment of having believed in something, in Father Christmas and having been abused, lied to, and having been stupid to believe without proof.
The problem is that human beings are build on believes.
Even to believe that something is not true is a belief.
What is the risk in believing? What is the worse that could happen?
Disappointment probably, or it’s just out of our world map.
The map is not the territory and we all have a different one, which is our representation of the world.
Sometimes, we can pass something or someone we know and not even see him.
Pay attention to what’s going on around you. There is perhaps some information out there that we’re missing because we don’t pay attention.
The way that we look at things is giving us a certain idea of what we look at, but are we seeing what we’re looking at the way it is?
We will never know.

What if we have to believe our dreams to see it happen?
What if we have to believe in Human Nature to see it improve?

Watching TV every evening is a sure way to believe that Human Nature is deeply depressing.
It is true, Dear Thomas, that you we don’t see thousands of amazing things that happen every day, all around the globe, and for real.
So, does it exist if we don’t believe that it exists?

If you are a Thomas on earth, pay attention, things are perhaps not the way you think they are.

Dear All,

This morning was very special to me.

I was in bed, listening to the rain falling outside: this particular noise of big drops falling on leaves is a friendly, magic noise to me.

I opened my eyes and it was time to wake up and start a new day.

I took a few more minutes to enjoy this wonderful moment. It was a moment where nothing could have been wrong. I felt safe, happy and ready for life.

i could be lying in bed on a sunny morning and be as happy and excited for this new day coming. The thing is I had a lot of it this summer and now I feel ready for this new page of season.

After the first newsletter I received some very nice comments and feed backs. One of them was an offer to send it first for correction of my English writing.

I thought carefully about it and decided that it will be as it is. You’re welcome to give me advices or corrections if you feel like but it is one of my challenges to do this in both languages and try as much as possible to improve. So please forgive my mistakes and believe that I will improve with time and with your help.

I still hope that you will enjoy the reading of these pages.

I wish you the best day ever.

Denis

September, beautiful September.

It is September and we can feel summer slipping away. It’s a tough time for a lot of people.

Days are shorter, temperature is going down and even the light is different. It’s making a lot of us depressed.

Autumn is such a beautiful season, rich of contrasts, colours. It’s the time to go back inside, have nice quiet evenings in your home.

After the madness of summer, holidays, fun, barbecues, long evenings out, it’s time to be back to yourself, back to your inner life.

I can understand how scary it can be for some of us, but think about it, is it so terrible?

Some of us would like to have summer 12 month a year and sunshine everyday.

We can see how big is the exodus, especially from Brits to warmer countries in the south. I really think that a majority of people are attracted to sun and light and what appears like an easier life.

To have been watching all those TV shows about relocation abroad and leaving in the sun, i believe that it is a fantasy, and that life is what we’re doing with it.

Where ever we go, we are bringing everything with us, our temper, our joy, our happiness and our unsolved problems.

We are who we are where ever we go. We are trapped in our skin as long as we are alive.

Charles Aznavour, a French Armenian singer said “misery would be better in the sun”. Actually, I’m not sure that I agree with this statement. All depends on which kind of misery we’re talking about.

Anyway, I’m not putting back to back our west European countries with islands in the sun. The fact is that we’re living here and that it is a waste of time and energy to battle against something that we can’t do anything about.

My proposal is just to look at it in a different way.

Every year I am so excited about spring coming back after winter and on the same way, I am so happy to see autumn coming after summer. I don’t like to have the same over and over again. I spent 2 years in Provence (south of France), where there was more than 300 days of sunshine every year. You know what? I missed rain, fog and all the bad weather that makes you enjoy sun.

I like change and I’m easily board with the same over and over again.

On the top of this, autumn is the season of mystery, magic.

Can you imagine Halloween in August? Of course not. During autumn everything is different. The days are shorter, and the nights longer.

We are acting as kids who doesn’t want to go to bed for a nap.

It’s the season to go in forest. Did you ever go to a forest in autumn?

It is just amazing. The colours are stunning, the light is incredible.

When I was leaving in Burgundy, I was going for a long walk every morning in the forest with my dogs. It was completely full of magic and charm.

I love autumn as well because it’s a season where you can start to dress again, put one nice clothes without sweating. It’s a season to eat different kind of food, to switch back to red wine. Isn’t it great to go to bed and to have the pleasure to go under a warm nice duvet when the room is a little chilly?

Early morning, when you wake up and it’s still all quiet and dark, you are like the first one to wake up in the world for something extraordinary.

Without autumn and winter, we would not have the excitement, the pleasure to see spring coming back.

We have to be ready for change and autumn is such a good reason to get ready for change.

Imagine your scarf’s starting to move in your drawers.

They know that they’ll be released soon and they can’t wait, imagining your neck, they’ll be again around, so close to you.

I miss sometimes the really cold weather of Switzerland, where I was waiting for the first snow, and one day, to be in bed and to notice that everything is so quiet, and so bright behind the blinds. That’s the sign that it snowed during the night. Those days, I was so excited, in such a hurry to be ready, to be dressed and be out, to touch it, feel it, eat it.

Some winters, the temperature was dropping to -25 during the night. Everything was frozen for weeks and weeks. The snow was staying in the garden for a long time.

Please, do me a favour and look at autumn on a different angle.

Think of all things that you can’t do in summer time and that are part of the autumn world.

Let your child spirit emerge and taste autumn, embrace autumn.

I just want you to try something different and explore what has been left on the side as a boring long cold horrible season.

If you experience something you have enjoyed, feel free to share with me.

If not, don’t worry, it’s nearly Christmas and spring will be back soon.

Pegasus

We are extraordinary living creatures.

My partner woke up the other day telling me about a dream he had.

He was on a round balcony, looking outside. Looking far up in the sky, he noticed a strange thing in the sky. Suddenly, he heard the noise of a horse: he looked down in the street and saw nothing but the street. Looking back up, he realised that the black thing he saw earlier was nothing less that a Pegasus, flying with lots of noise, and approaching very quickly.

This Pegasus was huge, black and making thunder every time his legs were breaking the air. It was like if he was breaking the molecules of oxygen with his legs. His noise was huge to take all the air he needed to fly.

Pegasus flew so close that he had to back off not to be struck by the huge wing battling the air.

As he passed by, he smelt all the fragrances of childhood, candies and fresh baked cakes. Pegasus was magnificent.

What can I learn from this dream?

What came immediately to my mind was his statement about looking down when he heard a horse and in fact he had to look up.

We are so much conditioned with our knowledge of the world, from our experience, believes and limitations.

Do I miss things in life, just because I don’t search or look in the right direction?

Oh yes, indeed. I wish that I could be looking at the world every day with a fresh new look, without judgment, bitterness, bad experiences that cut me from the numerous possibilities.

Before every else, I am once again amazed with the extraordinary possibilities of human imagination

I told you, we’re sitting on a treasure.

At the beginning was Love

Dear All,

That is the number one of a long list of newsletter, hopefully.

The idea is to write every month about my passion, about what I discovered, realised, read or just though lately.

I’m very much interested in research, new tools, new evolutions in the field of therapy, human growth and the process of change in human life.

Even if I’m talking about psychological dimension of a person can’t separate this from a spiritual dimension. I’m not talking about religion but spirituality.

My belief is that we’re much more than a bag of cells.

I believe that we’re sitting on a treasure without even being conscious of it (at least for most of us). We are living a sleeping life, passing through events, dealing with life and day to day tasks, obligations, conflicts…

We are alive and not for long considering that for my case, the best I can expect, time wise, is to be at half of my life.

It is a very short journey and especially if I’m unconscious of the chance I have to be alive.

There are 10 of thousands of people dying every day in the world, for any reason and one day soon or later, we’ll part of it.

My secret goal is to contribute in a way or another to wake up people.

As someone said, “today is the first day of the rest of our life”…

It means that we can change; we can decide that today will be different.

We can decide that today is not only a repetition of yesterday.

Someone else said:” nothing is certain, but everything is possible”.

Anyway, we are never going to be the same that we were yesterday. Even if our mirror is not giving us this information, we are changing all the time.

I hope that you will enjoy the reading and you’re very welcome to send me some feed back at dgb@gblifecoaching.co.uk.

By the way, the title of this newsletter is important to me, because I believe that Love is at the beginning of everything, that it is part of the fundamental energy of universe.

Dear all, I wish you the best day of all.

Denis

Cells in action.

I want to share with you a subject that I heard a wile ago.

Our body is regenerating completely every few years. I mean that the cells are dying after a few years and that our body is a brand new one every few years. There is nothing left today from the person you were 10 years ago. Every single cell has been replaced with a new one. Isn’t it fascinating?

So how our body is keeping the information about who we are, what we look like…?

How do the cells remember how to combine to give you exactly the same appearance?

How a lever, for example regenerated more quickly than the other organs, remembers that it has cancer? It’s a brand new lever, so why is it keeping the wrong cells?

We can understand why we’re aging, just because with time, we’re loosing a lot of cells.

How a missing arm does not grow back, as the memory of it is still in the body?

Some animals have this ability to grow back there tail if it’s cut.

An other aspect is really amazing. If this human vehicle is brand new every few years, including nervous cells and synapses, who’s driving the vehicle from beginning to end???

I’m not a biologist, a scientist, a blablatist, but completely fascinated with science and new discoveries. The more we learn about universe, nature, human beings, the more I tell myself that it’s amazing and chance can’t have a role in such a perfection.

I know that it is a belief and not a fact, but after all our life territory is defined with our beliefs.

I mentioned that I believe in energy of Love and that this energy is everywhere in universe. I feel it inside, deeply inside, even if I can’t explain it. It is like a big joy, invading me sometimes, without reasons, like a big shower.

With my experience as a therapist, I believe that there is one cause and one only to all the trouble, violence, wars, crimes on earth and this cause is a lack of Love.

As a therapist I try to help people to get closer to them, to learn how to embrace themselves, to love and forgive themselves.

I’m not a doctor and I don’t have the knowledge to speak as one. I’m just talking here about what I feel as true for me.

I believe that there is a day, not so far hopefully where we will able to cure people with love.

I think that it is the major source of life and that when this source is interrupted or perturbed, illness is starting.

I know that for a lot of people, this kind of statement will appear as a crazy idealist statement, but at the end of the day, reality is the way I see the world. We all have our reality of the world and frankly, if I stop believing, I dye.

On the top of this, my beliefs are based on my personal search, my deep feelings and my logic.

Anyway, this is what I think, what I believe and for the ones who think differently, it can be an opportunity to think about it in a different perspective.

Dear All,

Thank you for having taken the time to read my first newsletter. I’m stopping here for the moment, expecting feed back from you to eventually start a discussion with you through the newsletter and to help me to make it better.

Feel free as well to tell me if there is any subject that you would like me to write about.

Denis